An English soldier, fighting in the trenches of World War I, asked his commanding officer, “Sir, what is the most common German name?” “Schultz,” replied the officer. “Why?” “Sir, I have an idea! Watch this.” He climbed up the trench wall, steadied his rifle, and yelled, “Hey! Schultz!” “Jawohl?” came the reply and a German soldier looked out of his trench for whomever had called him. Bang! the Englishman shot him. The officer was impressed, but unconvinced this wasn’t a fluke. “Show me again, private,” he instructed. “Yes, sir.” The soldier moved down the trench a short way, steadied his rifle, and again called, “Hey! Schultz!” “Jawohl?” Bang! Another dead enemy. Excited by his discovery, the soldier moved through the trenches, periodically calling out, “Hey! Schultz!” and sure enough: “Jawohl?” Bang! “Jawohl?” Bang! Things were going well until one German soldier realized what was happening. He asked his officer, “Mein, Herr. Vat is a common English name?” “John. Vy?” “Danke, mein Herr!” said the German soldier, steadied his rifle, and cried, “Hey! John!” He waited for an English reply, but heard nothing. “Maybe they didn’t hear me,” he thought and tried again: “Hey! John!” Again, nothing. Frustrated, he shouted, “HEY! JOHN!” Came the reply, “That you, Schultz?” “Jawohl?” Bang!
A cowboy sat down at the Starbucks and ordered a cup of coffee. As he sat sipping his coffee, a young woman sat down next to him.
She turned to the cowboy and asked, “Are you a real cowboy?”
He replied, “Well, I’ve spent my whole life breaking colts, working cows, going to rodeos, fixing fences, pulling calves, bailing hay, doctoring calves, cleaning my barn, fixing flats, working on tractors, and feeding my dogs, so I guess I am a cowboy.”
She said, “I’m a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about women. As soon as I get up in the morning, I think about women. When I shower, I think about women. When I watch TV, I think about women. I even think about women when I eat. It seems that everything makes me think of women.”
The two sat sipping in silence.
A little while later, a man sat down on the other side of the old cowboy and asked, “Are you a real cowboy?”
He replied, “I always thought I was, but I just found out that I’m a lesbian.”